STEP BY STEP: Decluttering and combining households after a bereavement

Step by Step is the blog of Kate Kerin Interiors. In addition to following some of my clients’ projects, I examine some of the latest issues of interest in the world of interior design.

Decluttering or merging households after the death of a loved one is an emotionally complex process. Grief can make even small decisions feel overwhelming, and the sheer volume of belongings left behind can add to the stress. You may not have space—or the desire—to absorb an entire household’s worth of furniture, clothing, books, ornaments and everyday essentials.

After speaking with clients who are currently facing this challenge, I’ve put together some practical suggestions to help you honour your loved one’s memory while ensuring your own home remains a place of comfort and order.

Understanding Legal Obligations

If you are the executor of the estate, you must ensure that the deceased’s wishes, as outlined in their will, are respected. Certain items may have been promised to specific individuals, and it’s crucial to comply with these instructions. For example, don’t assume you can keep your mother’s engagement ring if it has been left to your sister-in-law. Missteps like this can create unnecessary conflict. If you’re unsure about any aspect of the will or probate process, seek legal advice before making any decisions.

Remember that probate can take time. Avoid discarding or distributing valuable items until you have clarity on what forms part of the estate.

Be Kind to Yourself

It’s easy to feel pressure to sort through everything quickly, but grief is not a process that can be rushed. While well-meaning friends and family may encourage you to take action, it’s important to move at a pace that feels manageable for you.

An approach that has worked well for one client is setting small, daily goals—such as selling just one item per day on Marketplace. This method prevents the process from feeling too overwhelming and allows steady progress without emotional burnout. Trying to tackle everything at once often isn’t any more effective than taking a slower, more measured approach.

Clear and Fair Communication

If multiple people have an emotional or financial stake in certain belongings, open communication is essential. Consider creating a list of family members and close friends who may wish to keep something as a memento.

To simplify the process, you could invite them to visit the home on designated days to choose something meaningful for themselves. This works well for smaller keepsakes like books, scarves, vases or ornaments rather than high-value items or those specifically bequeathed in the will.

However, it’s important to set boundaries. Let people know when and where they can collect items and stick to your timeline. Avoid the added stress of packaging and posting belongings—if someone truly wants an item, they should make arrangements to collect it in person.

Sorting: Keep, Consider, or Discard

One of the most effective ways to approach the decluttering process is to sort items into three categories:

• Keep – Items that are unquestionably valuable or sentimental to you or close family.

• Consider – Items you’re uncertain about.

• Discard – Items that have no strong sentimental or practical value.

The ‘Consider’ category is often the most challenging group of items. Try hard to resist putting too much stuff into this category! A helpful strategy is to box these items up and revisit them in six months. If, after this time, you haven’t thought about or missed them, it’s a sign that they may not be worth keeping.

A useful rule of thumb is to assess whether you’d be willing to part with a similar item you already own to make room for something from your loved one’s collection. For example, if you’re considering keeping your mother’s vase, is there another vase in your home you’d be willing to let go?

Selling and Donating Items

Hopefully, your ‘Discard’ pile will be the largest. Be firm with practical household items—extra kitchenware, clothing and bathroom supplies often aren’t needed in large quantities. However, rather than simply throwing items away, consider whether they could benefit someone else.

Selling: Platforms like Facebook Marketplace can be a good option for selling good quality clothing and homewares, but act quickly. The longer items sit unsorted, the harder it becomes to part with them. Be cautious of scammers—only accept cash on pick-up and avoid sharing your address until a buyer is confirmed.

Donating: Rehoming items to those who are in need is a positive and feel-good exercise. You’ll feel great about helping others with your unwanted items.

Giving Away: Offering items for free on Marketplace or local community groups can be an effective way to rehome things, but be prepared for unreliable buyers who may not show up as promised. Unfortunately, people tend not to place as much value on items that are being offered for free.

When discarding items, do so with care. Thoughtfully donating, upcycling or repurposing items can make the process feel more meaningful.

 Managing Large Furniture Items

The market for second-hand furniture is limited, and even high-quality pieces can be difficult to sell. If family members don’t want large furniture items, charities may be your best option. Some organisations such as St Vincent de Paul and The Salvation Army will collect directly from the home, saving you the hassle of transport.

If donating isn’t possible, consider listing furniture for free on Marketplace—but be aware that arranging pick-ups can be time-consuming. While it may be frustrating, finding a new home for items is often preferable to sending them to landfill.

Avoid Becoming the Family Storage Unit

If you’re working with family members, be clear about expectations. If a sibling or relative insists that a particular item is “too special to let go,” they should take responsibility for storing it. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into keeping things on their behalf.

Equally, don’t hold onto items in the hope that future generations will cherish them. While it’s tempting to think that great-grandma’s tablecloth or a box of childhood toys will one day be treasured by your children, the reality is often different. If an item is likely to sit untouched in a garage for decades, it may be time to let it go. On the other hand, if you really want to keep an item that belonged to your loved one, do. It will be something that provides you with joy, or with memories, or has some other special value to you. If you can discard something of equivalent size and scale to make room for this item, you’ll avoid adding to the clutter in your home. But don’t beat yourself up about it – if you want it, then within reason you should keep it. Just try not to add too much to your personal footprint or you may start to feel overwhelmed again.

 And finally…

 Letting go of a loved one’s possessions is not easy, but by taking a thoughtful and structured approach you can make the process more manageable. Keep what truly brings you joy and let go of the rest with kindness. If an item is genuinely meaningful, find a way to integrate it into your home. But if holding onto too many things feels overwhelming, remind yourself that memories live in your heart—not in objects.

It can help to ask yourself: Would your loved one want you to feel stressed, burdened, or obliged to hold onto their belongings out of fear of judgement or guilt? Would you want your own children, partner or loved ones to feel this way when the time comes to handle your possessions? If the answer to either of these questions is “no”, take comfort in releasing the fear of letting go. While this won’t make the practicalities of sorting through a lifetime of items any less complex, it can ease the emotional weight you may be carrying.

Do your best to dispose of things thoughtfully and sustainably, but trust that you are honouring your loved one’s memory in the way that makes the most sense for you. I wish you a smooth journey forward.

Kate Kerin Interiors specialises in working with residential clients in Sydney, particularly people who are considering downsizing or other major milestone moves. Contact Kate for an initial consultation to talk about your project.

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